My summary —
We may think that the goal of a conversation is getting closer to the truth. But in reality, human nature often “gets in the way”.
With family you may avoid going for the truth in order to protect the relationship. Something similar happens with a meek person — who agrees with everyone so they’ll be liked. Politicians also need to be liked, but they may be more skilled in adding some truism to the conversation (to try to sound profound).
Then there is the chronic debater, who tries to win the argument at all costs. “They care what you think about them, but their identity is wrapped up in seeming smart rather than being liked.”
Finally, there are people “who care only about figuring out if you believe the same things they do”. The worst variation of this is people who act as “You’re either with us, or against us”. But it could just be people who (strongly) prefer to be around others who think like them.
In a nutshell — besides seeking the truth, one should also accounts for the urge of being liked, sounding smart, winning, and good old tribalism.
While discussing the stories we tell ourselves about death, José Luis Ricón Fernández de la Puente points out a very striking phenomenon:
Erik Torenberg: What do you think about the cultural problem around lifespan extension? Many people are aversed to extending lifespan. Do you think that that‘s something that will just get over as we get closer to the technology? What do you think about the cultural resistance there? Because I think that‘s holding a lot of people back now for maybe working on it, maybe having more money, more government funding.
José Ricón: Aubrey de Grey calls this cultural resistance the “pro-death trance”. He argues that because aging and death is so prevalent — for all of our history, we haven‘t been able to get over it — we have developed this idea that it is actually OK.
It‘s like a Stockholm syndrome of some kind. You think that the bad thing is actually good. We begin to think, “Maybe it‘s good to have death (or aging). That‘s what‘s bring meaning to our lives.”
It seems to me that this psychological phenomenon is much more common within our lives than we realize.
I would say the same thing happens not only with death (or kidnapping as in the original Stockholm syndrome). It seems to also happen with tragedies, like diseases or accidents.
In fact, running the risk of being even more controversial, I’d posit that some sort of Stockholm syndrome is also related with seemingly “good” things as well. Look, for example, to what happens after people get children. Parenthood definitely is intringuing!
What might be going on? I guess there is something about the mean-making machine in our heads that makes us twist many of the “challenges” we face in life into something good — or even desirable.